Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire

In the spirit of the season, with the release of the now-annual Star Wars film upon us, it is high time we think about some of the superlative video games from the movie franchise that marks the greatest marketing force in the history of commercialism. Perhaps the most acerbically underrated of the Star Wars games is Shadows of the Empire for the N64, long dismissed by critics as mediocre or even one of the worst Star Wars games when it is actually one of the best.

Dash Rendar

Shadows of the Empire puts the gamer in the boots of Dash Rendar, a rugged, stubble-chinned Star Wars version of Roland of Gilead (of Dark Tower fame), something of an interplanetary Clint Eastwood. His mission is to rescue Princess Leia from Prince Xizor, the overlord of what is basically an alien mafia. Rendar's quest begins at the battle of Hoth, in which he takes control of a Snowspeeder and helps fell AT-ATs with his skillful deployment of tow cables. The opening level's overall umwelt is nothing short of marvelous, particularly in terms of sound: from the squalling joints of the pachyderm-esque AT-STs to the mechanized chittering of the imperial drones (which has always sounded to this reviewer like they're muttering "Marilyn seems demure" over and over), the audio is spot-on. This is Hoth; you are in The Empire Strikes Back. The game is by no means just a spacecraft simulator; rather, it is a bounteous grab-bag of game types. For the subsequent stages of the Hoth mission, Shadows of the Empire becomes a third-person shooter—though the player has the option to go first-person, which your correspondent finds far more eminently playable and immersive compared to its over-the-shoulder alternative. After that, Rendar gets behind his ship’s gun turret to take out some TIE Fighters, turning the game into a space shooter—and an absorbing one at that. Then the game becomes an outright platformer when Rendar traverses speeding railcars on Ord Mantell, a level that is the apotheosis of the George Lucas experience, all narrowing paths and hair's breadth escapes. Shadows of the Empire even has racing elements, as the unwieldy, breakneck swoop-bike pursuit on Mos Eisley is essentially a chase to the finish.

All of these vastly diverse gameplay components are handled very competently. Some are almost too competent, and in this way, Shadows of the Empire is a victim of its own outstanding features. So good is the Hoth level, in fact, that some have complained the rest of the game pales in comparison. This had repercussions, as later Star Wars games for Nintendo systems, namely the stellar Rogue Squadron series, focused exclusively on this spacecraft-simulator aspect. Ultimately, Shadows of the Empire leans fairly heavily on the third/first-person running and gunning, and this is, admittedly, not quite as captivating as what happens in the air over Hoth. This is precisely the criticism levied by Allgame's Scott Alan Marriott. In a quote this reviewer admits was lifted directly from Wikipedia, Marriott calls the on-foot levels “rather boring, probably due to the less involving third-person perspective.” In response to Mr. Marriot and anyone else with this particular critique, I would suggest they’re playing Shadows of the Empire the wrong way. Switch to first-person. It is real dread you’ll feel when you swing around to run from the angered Wampas’ ponderous pursuit.

This sort of immersion is the principal strength of Shadows of the Empire. The sound-effects, in concert with John Williams' score, make for a thoroughly cinematic feel, as do the graphics which, while somewhat blocky, still benefit from stirring shading effects and gritty, textured backdrops. When seen and heard in first-person, this all contributes to a far more convincing experience of the Star Wars umwelt than comparable games of the time, such as the PlayStation FPS offering Star Wars: Dark Forces, which feels more like the original Doom or Powerslave than it does a true Star Wars game. And that, your correspondent submits to you, dear reader, is what Star Wars is: a series of familiar sounds and images and feelings that are all at once compelling and comforting. Shadows of the Empire has all these crucial evocations, and not only lets you participate within them, but it lets you do so in so many different ways (shooting, flying, racing, and so forth). How, then, can we deny Shadows of the Empire is one of the best Star Wars video games? There are far too many kinds of quality within it to write it off.

Superman 64

The passionate retro gamer inevitably seeks out mint condition copies of his or her favorite games. So too will he or she buy mint condition copies of the best games ever. Likely, there will be overlap between these two categories of “best” and “favorite”. But what about the games that aren't so good? What about the games that are classically awful? Not unlike great games, these too stand as singular monoliths in video game history, the most captivating curios of crap. To own the worst game ever should also be an abiding goal of the truly expansive collector. That game, I submit to you, is Superman 64.

Released by Titus in 1999, Superman 64 is indeed superlative, but only in the worst sense of the term. The gameplay is structured around recurrently flying the Last Son of Krypton through decagonal rings—according to the game’s “story”, this constitutes a “maze” devised by the ingenious Lex Luthor, though it amounts to little more than aimless busy work for the person holding the controller. Superman 64 persists at making you fly through these rings, all within the confines of a time limit. Graphically, Metropolis is reduced to a series of blocky rectangles representing buildings, the space between them shrouded in a level of fogginess unforgivable even for the N64. Animation is also horrible, and so when Superman takes to the ground, he runs with a stilted, uncanny gait that is neither human nor Kryptonian. Boss battles are cramped and cringe-inducing, allowing low-level villains to repeatedly hand Superman his Speedo-clad ass-halves. On top of all this, the game is ubiquitously glitch-riddled—unless of course walking through walls is a power of Superman's with which this reviewer is not familiar.

Is Superman 64 truly the worst video game ever? There are many solid contenders for that feculent crown, including Friday the 13th (1989), Shaq Fu (1994), and Simpsons Wrestling (2001), all of which are comparably unplayable. But Superman 64 feels like the worst because it stars Superman. Superman is supposed to be the pinnacle of superheroes, with insuperable speed, power, strength and precision. Playing as the Man of Steel should be empowering. Seeing him veer helplessly through the block-sundered fog is anything but. To witness Superman falter due to atrocious controls and inane game design is not only frustrating as per any other bad game, but it actually becomes a bit heartbreaking. In making the Man of Tomorrow unwieldy and rudderless, Superman 64 inverts the very nature of the hero it attempts to actualize. Where once there seemed to be hope for humanity, now there is only disappointment and dissatisfaction. Superman 64 is no less than a violent disruption of the human spirit and all its constructive potentialities.

Is Superman 64 worth playing once you buy it? Most certainly not, at least not for more than one brief, worst-fears-affirming session. Play too long, and you risk destroying whatever ironic value the game possesses. Bad video games are, after all, not like bad movies. While a terrible film can still be entertaining—and more than a few Superman-related movies come to mind—video games require interaction, and in that sense playing a bad game is like being forced to play a part in a bad movie. Can you imagine having to direct 2016’s Batman vs. Superman? Bad video games make you complicit in their wretchedness. So with Superman 64, try flying through the rings, give up, and then permanently encase the cartridge in its box, keeping it out of reach but not out of sight such that it may stand as a totem of just how wrong the development of licensed games can go. And if you really want to be Superman, play Injustice or Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe.