Ken Griffey Jr.'s Slugfest

Do you want to see adult film legend Ron Jeremy play major league baseball? If your answer to this question is yes—and it should be—then picking up a copy of Ken Griffey Jr.’s Slugfest is imperative. The second N64 offering in Nintendo’s cartoonish Griffey-backed baseball series contains audio clips of the names of virtually all MLBPA players from the late 90s, and announces them over the in-game public address system as they make their way out to the plate or the mound. The game also features a moderately robust create-a-player mode, and any creation with the first and/or last name of an active player will be likewise announced before batting or pitching. Thanks to Ron Gant and Jeremy Giambi,

the owner of Slugfest has the privilege of hearing porn’s most famous name ring out in any major league ballpark. Set your create-a-character’s weight at a Rubenesque 270, height at 5'8, give him a black Mario-worthy moustache and voila!—the Hardest (Working) Man in Show Business is now a major leaguer. Indeed, the irrepressible Hollywood D-Lister's Slugfest avatar bears Nintendo’s adorable spokes-plumber an odd resemblance, which has already been appreciated to great effect by the timeless adult-oriented feature Super Hornio Bros., starring Jeremy in the lead role of Hornio Hornio. What role will Ron Jeremy play on your team? His skills at third base are amply documented, at least figuratively speaking. Jeremy’s potential presence, however, is really the only enduring charm of Slugfest. True to the Griffey series’ abiding arcade sensibilities, Slugfest is built around cursor-based batting, the done-to-death darling of late-90’s baseball videogame developers. This system has not aged particularly well, as it basically reduces hitting to a mini-game. The options permit you to switch the batting style to “classic”, which relies on timing and general bat position in the style of earlier and later baseball classics such as Hardball and MVP 2004 but be prepared for low-scoring, pitching-dominated affairs where the few runs plated result from lucky-strike homeruns. Still, Slugfest’s peccadilloes are worth suffering to see Ron Jeremy go deep in Mets’ pinstripes. And for once, mercifully, he keeps his pants on while doing so.